But what if Santa could get us anything in the world? What would you ask for? Chances are good that very little of what you ask for would be physical objects. The computers, the dvd players, the neat new gadgets and gizmos all pale in comparison to what anybody really wants for Christmas. In fact it’s my bet that receiving just one of those non-physical, meaningful gifts would be enough to overlook an empty Christmas tree. It reminds me of one of my favorite Christmas songs, “All I Want for Christmas is You.” It’s a powerful statement, eh? To forgo all the nice presents just to be with somebody. I remember back in the day when my high school choir was going around singing Christmas grams. You’d give them 5 bucks and they’d go to your girl’s classroom and sing her a tune. I figured this would make my high school sweetheart ecstatic so I nabbed one of these groups, shoved my money in their face, and told them to sing that song. Well, they attempted to sing her the song but her teacher immediately through them out because the class was in the middle of watching a movie. I was furious. Being the determined man that I am when it comes to such things, I went around trying to round up some choir members (even going as far as entering the choir room, which was just weird for a bandgeek like me). I found three. I asked them if they could cut her off in the hallway and sing my song. Unfortunately, they didn’t know the words (yeah, I don’t get it either…), so I had to settle for “Let It Snow.” Not exactly the most romantic of pieces but I was in no position to be picky. I spotted her coming down the hallway, got the choir girls in position, and hid behind a column to watch. They started singing and already you could see the blush start working its way up her face along with a big smile. As they reached the last verse of their serenade I walked out from my hiding place holding a teddy-bear and, in my best singing voice (which isn’t exactly grammy-worthy), I sang the last line of the song as I handed her the gift and gave her a hug. She was ecstatic.

The point of that story? The only thing I wanted that day was for her to be happy. I didn’t care about some physical gift. I didn’t care about receiving anything in return. I simply cared about my plan working and the smile that resulted. You can’t put a price tag on it (ok well maybe I paid 5 bucks for the gram but that’s besides the point). You can’t put it under a tree. You can’t even get a gift receipt for it.

Aside from anecdotes like those above, I rarely get too personal on these posts. However, I suppose now is as good a time as any to say what I want for Christmas this year. Hey, maybe if I’m lucky good ‘ol St. Nick is reading this post right now from his sled-mounted, 3G Android tablet (with so many toys going around something has to fall off the truck eventually right?). Sidebar: Do you think Santa is an Apple man or a Google man? Discuss.

I’m not going to bother with things like “world peace” or a solution to world hunger. Being completely honest with myself (you should try it, it’s Cathartic!), these things would not make me truly happy. See the problem with problems is that no matter how much worse another person’s problems are, your problems still exist. And it’s your problems that you’re worried about the most. This isn’t selfish or self-serving. It is merely instinct. Besides, you better worry about the problems you’re dealing with first before you tackle somebody else’s.

Truth be told, the only things I want for Christmas are as follows: I want a beautiful girl to adorn my arm. A partner behind me, supporting me through thick and thin as much as I support her. Someone as kind and gentle as I am but with just the right amount of confidence and determination to make her dreams come true. I want my family together, as a whole, a unit. Yeah they’re not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t matter. They’re my family and they don’t need to be perfect. I want to continue learning what it means to truly be selfless. I am by no means anywhere near that level of understanding, but I don’t want to stop getting there. I want, probably above everything else, to be that friend on speed-dial (or at least on your smartphone’s “favorites” list…which goes back to the whole Apple vs Google thing dammit). I want to be the voice that comes up after pushing that button you swore was a ‘panic’ button two seconds ago.

I want Santa to shove his fat, ugly ass straight through my front door and show me an empty bag with a smile and a wink. I’ll know exactly what he means.

Will I get all these things? Well, probably not. But as my father always used to say, “If baby don’t cry, baby don’t get milk.” So why not take a moment to ask Santa for what you really want this Christmas? Maybe ask him for a new beeper as long as he’s listening hehehe.

This post breaks my usual MO, but such a thing is not a particular concern for me. If you want something less personal and a bit more insightful, read some of my other posts. If anything they’ll provide some excellent entertainment while you’re avoiding doing something productive.

Merry Christmas.

So let’s begin! First you gotta…and then you..well, that’s only if..wait, maybe you should…hold up. Ok let’s face it: nobody actually knows how to be single. I came to this realization during a recent conversation with a friend when she uttered the phrase, “I don’t even think I know how to be single!” to which I retorted, “Who does?” And it’s true, right? Who actually knows what the hell they’re doing when it comes to being single? It may seem simple for some, but are they really succeeding? Let’s start answering some questions.

But first of all, we need some scope. For the purposes of this post, “single” is being defined as not having a significant other. I exclude singlehood as a result of tragic circumunstances since I am unable to provide first-hand observations. In other words, this post is not really for widow/ers. I will venture to say, however, that they might find these observations useful as well. Finally, and for the same reason, this post is about heterosexual singles. For those who would like to complain about this, our complaint department can be contacted by clicking the small ‘x’ in the upper right or left of this window. Heh…that was clever.

With that out of the way, let’s begin our exploration. When I ponder singlehood (it might as well be a hobby already), the first thing that often comes to mind is The Nightlife. The Club. The Bar. All that stuff that LMFAO spends his ludicrously wealthy life rapping (singing?) about. It’s a single person’s paradise. You’re surrounded by a whole bunch of people you don’t know and will, quite frankly, probably never see again. You can be anybody you want to be, and it’s this anonymity that makes it all look so damn good (kinda like the internet, but that’s a discussion for another day). So you walk in to this Destination of Debauchery (hopefully in a group ’cause if you’re alone you’ll get that awful yet horridly tenacious “creeper” label), and your friends file out. Within seconds they’re at the bar. Within minutes they’re on the prowl. You watch as they deftly maneuver through the crowd like ninjas on ice, zero in on one girl, and lay on the words. Next thing you know she’s smiling. Then she’s laughing. And now they’re bumping and grinding on the dancefloor with all the other guys who said all the “right” things. Now you’re thinking to yourself, “What the hell just happened?”

Yes, I speak from experience here. And yes, “experience” is definitely an understatement. I go try my luck with a girl. I tell her my name. She tells me hers (it’s loud…neither of us actually heard the other’s name) and then…well then it kinda just falls apart. What are you supposed to say? “Hello how are you can I have your number?” “Good evening I think you’re hot let’s get busy?” “I’m actually looking for something long-term how does that make you feel?” Needless to say, most of these types of encounters end in nothing short of catastrophe (ie: that awkward moment when you kinda wave bye to the pretty girl and walk away). So am I just bad at being single?

So maybe the nightlife isn’t your scene. Let’s try another example. Have you ever noticed how different someone tends to be when they’re in a relationship? You don’t hear from them too much, and they seem to be significantly less social. Of course, this is a huge generalization, but I think we’ve all been guilty of shutting out the world for the sake of a relationship at one point or another. In any case, you’ll agree with me when the person breaks up with his/her significant other. All of a sudden a social butterfly has blossomed from the anti-social coccoon. They want to do everything and be everywhere and see everyone. The metamorphasis leaves you wondering, “Where in the world was this side all this time?” My favorite example of this takes place on social networks, specifically Facebook. Every now and then I’ll notice someone coming up on my news feed more often than usual to make random statii, post on people’s walls about how long it’s been since they’ve seen them, or organize lunches with their entire group of high school chums. The first thing that’ll come to mind for me is that this person has indeed just gotten out of a relationship. Sure enough, 9 times out of 10 the “relationship status” tells the whole story. So what happened? They became single. And society says that when you’re single you need to get out, be social, meet people, do things, reconnect with everybody you shunned during your relationship, etc, etc.

A third example of singlehood at its best comes from an unusual place: the elementary school playground. More specifically: elementary school girls. That’s right, you know who I’m talking about. Chances are you were one of them. Now these girls know how to be single. They know exactly which of the boys have started liking girls and just how to wrap these little boys around their finger. “Hard to get” becomes an artform, and love notes written in crayons become the norm. These girls had it all down to a science. The guys, on the other hand, would spend most of their time fumbling over themselves for nothing more than a shot at the attention. It is certainly not a simple time for single little dudes.

So there you have it: three perfect examples of how to be single. See? You don’t need a tutorial. Just learn the techniques of those three and you’ll be on your way to single-life domination in no time!

Well if it were as simple as that, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. The fact is that none of these people actually know what they’re doing. The bar crawler wants to get laid. The social network junkie wants companionship. And the devious little girls want attention. In each of these cases achieving success is not a step towards some secret meaning of [single] life; it is simply the accomplishment of a self-imposed goal. “Self-imposed” is the operative word here; there is not set of rules or goals in the Book of Singledom. There is no “way” to be single, no strategy, no means, no definable characteristics; it is simply a state of being from which you must make the most.

This one’s for all you relationshipwrecked people out there. If it’s being out of a relationship you’re scared of, take heart in the fact that most other single people are just as terrified as you are. After all, there is no doubt that life in a relationship is significantly simpler. You have at least some kind of direction and a more definable potential future. Plus, life is just a bit more comfortable with your arm around someone (unless of course you trip… (See “Miseries of a Relationship”)). Then again, if lights are switching on in your head (heart?) as you read this, you’ve already started considering the other side. Whether it’s time to take the plunge or not…well, that I can’t tell you. At least you know that no matter what choice you make, you won’t be alone. You’ll always have a legion of people who know exactly what it’s like to be…you get the picture.

Yes, I know you. You’re the one who gets that pang of jealousy in the pit of your heart when you see the “cutest of couples” cheerfully doting on each other. Why not you? Why can’t you have a girl as beautiful as that? What does he have that you don’t? Well, friend (if I know you this well, I assume we are friends, no?), allow me to gently, yet determinedly, burst your bubble.

Have you taken time to consider that perhaps the world this couple is living in is not comprised completely of pixy dust and enchanted rainbows? That perhaps there is a darker side to this paradise of sorts? Well it’s true. And if it weren’t for myself, you’d only find this out after it’s too late. Fortunately for you, I’ve been there and I’m quite willing to share my wisdom surrounding this subject.

Let’s begin with that holding hands thing you like so much. But first, I’d like you to stand up and take a few steps. Notice which arm swings with which foot. Do you see it? Yes, that’s right. The right arm swings with the left foot and vice versa. Now try to force your arms to swing with the same foot. Difficult, eh? Of course it is. Human beings are not designed to walk in that manner. Why, then, do we submit ourselves to the difficulty of walking with someone’s hand in yours? The other’s hand is in yours. You take a step. She takes a step. You both take the wrong step at the wrong time. BAM. You now must pick yourself up (and the girl) from the ground. In order to remedy this, a couple must make a conscious effort to constantly monitor the rhythm of their walking. Surely it can be done, but maintaining such a gentle balance is a most difficult feat. On a side note, have you ever tried tripping a couple walking hand-in-hand? It’s quite fun.

Now I’m sure you’ve had dozens of fantasies that involve kissing that special someone. This special someone, of course, will quite often vary depending on your mood. Sometimes it will be that woman who served you coffee at the Starbucks across the street and at others it will be Pamela Anderson wearing nothing but a string bikini and a smile. Whatever the case, you have given heavy thought to the act of putting your mouth upon another’s. Perhaps you have even considered shoving your tongue into their oral orifice. Sounds hot, right? Wrong! A simple Google search reveals that a human mouth is indeed dirtier than a dog’s mouth. That’s right, tonguing up your girlfriend is worse than tonguing your beloved Fido. Shall we even begin to discuss the bacteria present on the teeth? The food particles still floating around from yesterday’s lunch?

So fine, you won’t hold her hand and you won’t kiss her. Dandy. But wait, the fun doesn’t stop there. There’s much more to this than just the physical complications. I’d like you to take a moment to consider that amazing cellular phone plan you’re on. All those text messages. The 1000′s of minutes at your disposal. Seemed like a fairly good deal at the time, huh? What the phone company neglected to tell you was that the projected savings did not include the possibility of a girlfriend. That’s right, you need to call the girl to whom you have pledged your undying love. And often. If you don’t, your fine lady will assume you no longer want anything to do with her. So much for a fairytale ending.

So you’ve decided to resort to smoke signals as a means of communication (it doesn’t work…trust me) and have committed yourself to a life of strict celibacy. That’s fine, but what about getting her gifts on holidays (yes, that includes several monthly anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, mom and dad’s birthdays, relatives’ birthdays, Quanza, etc), or making sure to remember every little detail about the “firsts” in your relationship (my first kiss in my current relationship took place on March 13, 2010 at 22:05 EST in front of the fountain next to a movie theater in Miami Lakes, Fl), or how about meeting the parents, impressing the parents, taking her out to dinner, spending long hours on the phone talking (in peak hours) about her dog’s affinity for plush toys, following her around while she goes shopping, using your money when she goes shopping, etc, etc etc. The list goes on and on. Why would any man in his right mind submit himself to such a miserable existence? Why can we not be like the people of K-Pax: mate, have children, and be done with it! No relationships. No heartbreak.

Well, before you contemplate using one of your girlfriend’s father’s guns on yourself (is it me, or do they all have guns?), I’d like to answer my own question. Men will put themselves through this kind of misery because the girl is worth it. It’s true. They will endure infinitely long phone calls, emotional fluctuation, and anything of the like if the girl is truly worth it. What girls are worth the trouble? That’s something you need to decide for yourself, but I can assure that they are few and far between. However, once you do find her, you’ll find that the pain in your feet as you walk around the entire perimeter of a single mall cannot even compare to the void she’s filled in your heart.

So, now that you’ve found that celestial being that has brightened your life and brought meaning to an otherwise meaningless existence…have you updated your relationship status on Facebook? Get on that.

Here’s the link: http://vimeo.com/8355083

This was created by a consortium of three LA-based film oficionados. Armed with their cameras, editing equipment, and vast knowledge in the art of filmmaking, this group puts together stunning work such as the video at the link above. Yes, my sister is one of the consortium members, so perhaps this review is biased…so watch for yourself and be sure to comment or rate. Later!

If you have heard these words on more than one occasion, you may be part of an elite group of men known as “the nice guys.” We are the men who go through life listening to women about their problems, offering comforting words whenever we get a chance, holding the door open, doing favors galore, etc. And what do we get in return? Phrases such as those cited above and nothing more. We are the nice guys…and this is our story

After that lovely dramatic introduction, I’d like to make one quick note here: I am going to focus on the heterosexual nice guy for the purposes of this post, so we’re going to ignore the concept of the nice gay guy and focus on the heterosexual nice guy’s quest for social equality and female attention. Please understand that this is not out of ignorance nor homophobia nor anything of the like. This is merely an attempt to keep the post broad yet focused. Your attention to this matter is appreciated.

Now that that’s cleared up, let’s first talk about the anatomy of a nice guy and how to spot him. I’ve already mentioned some characteristics. The nice guy is usually a gentleman, going to all lengths to hold any door open, say “excuse me” after every burp, and, as a universal constant, always put the lady first. No matter what. That is, perhaps, the strongest characteristic. We always put the girl first and foremost despite our own desires. We eat where the girl wants to eat. We talk about what the girl wants to talk about. We strive to make the girl as comfortable as possible in any situation whatsoever.

Another, and perhaps more extreme, characteristic of the nice guy is a complete disregard for his personal feelings and comfort when a girl is involved. He will gladly put away anything he is doing if a damsel is in distress (which can be often with some damsels). What about the paper he was writing? The video game in which he reached the last level? The premiere of the newest season of his favorite show? All completely insignificant compared to the plight of the beloved female.

A final characteristic is the fact that nice guys usually do not settle on only one girl to exhibit their qualities. Of course, there may be some girls more favored over others, but one can be sure that almost every girl he comes in contact with (especially the prettier ones) will be treated like a princess. This is, by no means, something for which you can attack a nice guy. We are, after all, not in a relationship with any of these women and should therefore not limit our services to only one female at a time. Strength in numbers, I always say.

So now let’s look at the other side of things…the “bad guy”, if you will. I was once having a conversation with a (female) friend of mine. She informed me that she has a “thing” for bad guys. So I asked her a question I already knew the answer to: “Am I a bad guy?” When she responded in the negative, my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her what it would take for me to be a bad guy. She basically proceeded to tell me that in order to be a bad guy, I must act like I don’t really care about what women have to say, show a disregard for their feelings, and so on. Another female friend of mine added that the bad guy “knows how to talk to women.” She was referring to a bad guy’s ability to know exactly the right things to say and exactly the right buttons to push in order to sweep a girl off her feet. These are the “smooth talkers”; the dudes who, needless to say, have a much less difficult time finding women than us nice guys. They are the utter antithesis of the man described in the paragraph above.

I have also heard several times that many girls are only into bad guys until they “grow up.” It is then and only then do they realize what they’ve been missing all this time and fall into the arms of their respective nice men (if he is indeed still around). I call this the “Nice Guy Complex”. The nice guy is left stranded, waiting for the girl to come to this all-too-obvious realization. But when does a girl actually “grow up”? I’m quite sure this is a question that cannot be answered. By cultural standards, many agree that once a girl has successfully gone through puberty, she is indeed a grown up woman. Others may think it occurs when she loses her virginity (probably to one of these bad guys). Still others may think that it’s only when a girl turns 21 years of age can she be considered a full-fledged woman. As you can see, it’s not an easy answer. The only answer that fits into our current discussion is that my friend was actually referring to an emotional maturity. What is emotional maturity? I, quite frankly, have no idea. When does a girl reach emotional maturity? Heck, when does a guy reach emotional maturity?

Why don’t we ask Jamie, star of the extremely popular chick flick, “A Walk to Remember”. In this movie, a boy, Landon, and a girl, Jamie, end up forming a relationship together. All is fine and dandy until Jamie informs Landon that she has terminal leukemia and will soon be dead. In response to this horrid news, Landon seeks to fulfill every item on a list of things Jamie wishes to do before she dies (and succeeds, by the way). You see, Landon is an example of a nice guy. Yes, I understand he was faced with rather extenuating circumstances to finally make the transition to our side of the fence, but that is irrelevant. The important part is that he fulfills the primary characteristic of putting the girl before himself. Yes, she falls in love with him and yes, she does indeed marry him (in the same chapel where her deceased mother was married; how’s that for killing two birds with one stone? (no morbid pun intended)). My point here is that perhaps Jamie experienced the emotional maturity necessary to fall in love with a nice guy. Naturally, he had to go through a lot to get to that point, but such is the creed of the nice guy. We are persistent fellas, ya know. So by the end of this paragraph every nice guy is standing up and rejoicing over the fact that they have finally found a girl who falls in love with the nice guy. It’s amazing, right? Yeah, well, she dies. That’s right, men. Our last shred of hope in the female race dies at the end of the movie. Naturally, every women who watches the movie inevitably says something along the lines of, “I want a man like THAT!” But do they really? I doubt it very much. In fact, I bet that in most cases, if a man were to come around with the same ardor for the female race as our friend Landon had, she would merely overlook him in favor of the dude with the biceps (yeah, men, we all know that guy).

Obviously, Hollywood has not been good to us. Our women die just as the movie ends. I mean, they can’t even leave it as an open ending. No, the audience must know that the glimmer of hope for the elite group of men is as dead as a doorknob. Sad, really. Now, despite the little voice in the back of my head telling me that this post is getting too long, I have a few more points I’d like to make. Perhaps if I’ve grabbed your attention enough, you will continue reading.

Let’s talk more about this “bad” guy. I put the word “bad” in quotes here because they are not necessarily bad people. In fact, many of them are diligent contributors to society who are, mostly, without blame. After all, they are seeking female relationships just as the nice guys are. They may have different (and oftentimes more effective) tactics, but they have the same basic goal surrounding female companionship. Of course, many of these men have the dark side that involves female companionship only in regards to sex (ie: one-night stands). And it is for this reason that women will usually graduate from their bad guy phase to the more relationally adept nice guy (emotional maturity). This is our advantage, and we hold onto it with our dear lives.

I’d like to use this point to illustrate a theory regarding the Ideal Man. We shall call this, for lack of a catchier name, my “Ideal Man” Theory. This theory states that the ideal man is the man who is able to straddle the proverbial fence between nice and bad guys. He is the one who has the ability to woo a girl when they first meet, reel her in with his charm (“charm” here referring to a complete disregard for her personal feelings), and make her fall head over heels for him in a relatively short amount of time. This Ideal Man then performs a curious feat in which he transforms into a nice guy and proceeds to treat the girl like a princess. It is my theory that any woman who came in contact with the Ideal Man’s ways would eventually fall in love with him as long as he chooses to keep her around. But does he exist? Or is this merely a theory reminiscent of Raskolnikov’s Superman theory? Perhaps “The Fonze” from Happy Days was one of these men. Perhaps Clint Eastwood is a better candidate. I must say that I have no idea. The important thing to realize is that, if he does indeed exist, he’s an extremely rare find.

So why do we do it? Why do we even entertain the possibility that a girl will reach emotional maturity just in time to create a relationship with her? Why must we put ourselves through the pain of constantly finding ourselves in the all-too-popular “friend zone”? Once again, I am stumped. Perhaps we enjoy the attention it sometimes brings. Perhaps we’re really attached to the idea that one day the girl will come around. Or perhaps the gentlemanly qualities we’ve chose to ingrain within ourselves does not allow us to fathom treating a girl in any other way. It’s a mystery we may never be able to answer.

In the meantime, men, I believe the only real advice I can offer you is to remain strong in your ways. There is no need for you to change for them. One day they’ll come around and then perhaps the sparks can start flying. Until then, never reject a hug, always welcome a kiss on the cheek, and never be afraid to treat a woman as she deserves to be treated. Nothing more. Nothing less.

My personal reaction to this? Well, I have always been a traditional type of guy. I like the idea of taking a girl out somewhere nice for dinner or to a good movie (her choice, I can survive a chick flick every now and then). Now it’s just getting more difficult. I mean, let’s face it, skydiving? The closest thing my girl will get to skydiving on the first date is hopping out of my high-than-the-average-car jeep. Of course, as any guy reading this already knows, “something new and exciting” translates directly into “something expensive and wallet-depressing”. It was kind of funny to read the profiles of the girls who did mention dinner as a good first date because most did not hesitate to say “somewhere nice for dinner”. Translation: “Spend money on me so if I don’t end up liking you, at least I got something out of it!” So I guess Burger King’s out of the question. Steak and Shake? Maybe.

Bottom line: it’s getting harder and harder for us guys out there in the dating world! Too romantic = creepy. Too cliche’ = not exciting. You can’t court a girl without walking on eggshells around her deep-seated paranoia of stalkers. And now you can’t even take her on a first date without coming up with some groundbreaking, revolutionary idea as to what would be exciting. To add to this flame, I live in Gainesville 3/4 of the year. The only thing to do here is eat, unless you’re into the whole partying, drinking, and/or smoking scene. Limited options for guys like myself.

So here’s what I want in the ways of a first date: I want to go pick up a girl (screw the whole meeting them somewhere), I want to take her to a moderately nice restaurant that will not put me in debt (because you know it’s dating suicide not to pay for her (don’t listen to what they say, guys! It’s not true!)), I want to arrange something nice with the servers like adding a candle or two or perhaps even some rose petals, I want to talk to this girl casually about our interests, our aspirations, exchange funny stories, and just be who we really are; I want to take her out to a movie she wants to see, I want to sit next to her and tell off the obnoxious frat-boy who doesn’t be quite during the movie; Then I want to take her back to her place, walk her to her door, and allow the night to end.

Yes, I am fully aware that that was the longest run-on sentence you have ever encountered, but just focus for a few more sentences and you can worry about my horrible grammar later.

Is that too much for a guy to ask? Is it too creepy? Too forward? Too stalker-ish? Have I broken all the rules of “modern” dating? Did I cross a line? Too many questions, right?

I’d love to hear some female thoughts on this, so if you happen to stop by and are free of external male genitalia, please feel free to comment. I will not take offense. Promise!

Good luck, men! Don’t lose heart!

As I was reading through a bunch of these MLIA’s (which make me laugh more than the FML’s), I realized that the demographic being sought out was that of the middle and high schoolers. Naturally, none of us can really be sure how many of these stories are pure truth, especially when one takes into consideration the nearly consistent theme of ninjas, dinosaurs, and Pokemon. But it got me thinking: how has middle and high school life changed since I was there a few years ago? What do kids talk about? What is taboo and what is put out in the open? The media promotes the idea that children are out of control, running their mouths off about whatever they want. This may be true. Or it may not be nearly as widespread as one would think.

I think it would be really interesting to just live the life of a present-day middle or high schooler. I guess the only real way to get a totally unbiased view of their day would be to attach a microphone to an unknowing kid. There are legality issues here, but they will be ignored for the purposes of this post.

_Enrique

Anyway, we’re on the subject of gender roles in society. Yeah, that’s always a fun topic, especially in the multi-cultural and immensely diverse population attending UF. We did a fun little exercise where one half of the room was to spit out words that were tied to masculinity, which the other the same on femininity. I was in the male group. Oh, some background here: 98% of the students in this 30 person discussion are freshmen. About 90% of the class are female. Just from that, I’m sure you can imagine the kind of responses we got there. Just imagine three other guys and I…and about 13 females who have apparently had a lot of trouble with males. Responses included: “Sports”,”Taller”,”Muscles”,”Hairy” …now it gets fun… “Bigger egos”,”Less emotional”,”Less complicated”,”STUPID”,”Don’t ask for directions”,”CHUCK NORRIS” (Ok, that last one was my own personal contribution). Needless to say, I started feeling pretty tiny after this discussion. Of course, the female side got words like “delicate”,”nurturing”,”pretty hair”,”curvy”….

So what’s going on  here? Obviously, all the girls in this class are lovely, delicate flowers who could never do any wrong. I guess this is just an example of what happens when you collect enough freshmen females in a single university room: Ignorance. I had a good laugh when one of the girls asked the general question, “So why DON’T guys ask for directions??” I immediately answered in a loud voice, “Because it would destroy our incredibly large egos!” She laughed.

Later on in the class we watched a video about children who were said to have been born with…crap, can’t remember the name now…Gender something disorder. Basically, it’s a condition where a biological boy is convinced that they were really meant to be born a girl..and usually transform into that (and vice-versa with biological girls, of course). We then watched a video portraying a female athlete who was alleged to be man because of her insane athletic ability on the track. This was a case of … damn it, where are those class notes?? I can’t remember these terms! … I think it was “intra-gender”, though I’m not sure. In this case, the female had a male set of chromosomes (or something like that), and was thus born with only the external female genitalia but no female internal organs (ie: uterus, ovaries, etc). The question being raised was should she be allowed to compete in female events with this particular condition.

The discussion leader asks a couple of questions that, really, should have sparked some serious discussion, but most people stayed quiet except for one or two who believed the trans-gender children should be allowed to do as they wished with their gender. Nobody rebutted this. I then decided to put up my hand and raise the point that I do not believe that the trans-gender condition is a disorder one is born with and that the intra-sex thing with the female athlete was the only thing being discussed here that someone could actually be born with. I was sure I would be torn apart for this statement, but not a single person rebutted or commented.
So tell me what’s going on here? Silence is your response? I know there are differing opinions in this classroom, so why don’t have a good ‘ol fashioned fight about it? It is the silence that truly lets the most horrible of ideas propogate…not the people shouting it from the rooftops.

All this led me to come up with the following statement in regards to the population of students in my human sexuality class:

“If ignorance be bliss…this has got to be the happiest group of people I’ve ever come across.”

My name is Enrique, though I’ve been called a plethora of other knicknames. I go to UF, studying computer engineering with a specialization in software development.
That’s enough about me for now. I’d like to use this thing to chronicle my small life stories, both humorous and mainstream. So check back often and have a great day!

_Enrique